How to Survive the Eminent Collapse of the Economy

I have thought about this for a few days and developed a full proof plan for how I will make it through this crisis on top and have still have a comfortable retirement.

 

Short Term:

 

First I plan on taking sailing lessons then I plan on selling all my stocks and taking every penny I have out of the bank after work today. I am going to keep it in my mattress for a few days and then once gold has reached $1000 again I am going to sink all my money into gold, that and a few pork bellies 🙂

 

 

Mid Term:

 

I figure this is a good two pronged approach to get a jump on the impending doom. The way I imagine this unfolding I will have the pork bellies to use for food for the next couple weeks/months until the stock market goes to 0. Once that happens all my gold will go up exponentially in price and I will be able to buy all the pork bellies I need.  

 

We will devolve into a barter based economy and I will use my gold to trade for goods and services. I imagine it looking something like this movie after a couple of weeks:

 

 

 

Long Term: 

 

I will also use to my gold to buy a large sail boat and fishing supplies. Why a sail boat, you might ask. Obviously we won’t have anymore gasoline and wind is a renewable resource so I will be able to get around on my boat. But why a boat?  

 

The connection that I have yet to see anyone make is how this relates to global warming. The government will have no money or desire to pay attention to the doom that is being caused by the melting of the ice caps and within ten to twenty all the landmass on earth will be covered in water. I will be set because I have my sail boat and fishing supplies. The only problem now will be pirates and other people that have boats. Again I imagine it looking something like this movie:

 

That is how I envision my adult hood playing out.

 

Retirement:

I have had the coordinates of the peak of mount Everest tattooed onto my lower back into a code that only I know. I figure that will be the one piece of land that is still visible and because no one else was prepared for the flooding I will one be of the few people that can find dry land and will retire there comfortably.

 

(In case you don’t rember that is what happens at the end of the movie)

 

Alternate Plan:

Of course I could be over reacting and this might just be part of a cycle that economy goes through and it has done this is the past. And because I was a disciplined investor I had a diversified portfolio with a certain percentage as cash on hand so that I could take advantage of a drop in the market.

 

Choice:

I think I am going to put my cash reserves into the market gradually over the next couple days but I am going to keep an eye on the price of gold and watch Mad Max and Waterworld again because you never know what can happen.

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4 responses to “How to Survive the Eminent Collapse of the Economy

  1. I totally need to watch Waterworld again.

    This post is awesome.

  2. That’s crazy talk. If you get stuck on a boat at sea for that long you’ll eventually have to drink reprocessed pee. Also, how will you defend against pirates? On the up side, you should be safe from ninjas.

  3. Pirates are handled with a deck gun.

    You can setup a solar powered distillery to use sea water or collect rain.

    I’m more worried about Vitamin C.

    Anyone up for going off the coast of Somalia and becoming a Privateer?

  4. I figure I am smarter then Kevin Costner and if he could figure out how to reprocess his pee then I should be able to do something.

    I am still worried about the Pirates, that is the one hole in my plan. Because you can only carry so much ammunition for a deck gun.

    Maybe some sort of spear gun or a bow and arrow could work.

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